S7 E5: Reflections on Rosie

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In our latest episode, we discuss The Conners season 7 episodes “Fame, Flying Fists and Cold Feet,” and “Applications, Accusations and a Man-Bag.” We’re halfway through the final season and we don’t know how to feel! The main thread in these episodes is that after much family bullying (and an unearthed, heartbreaking text from Roseanne herself), Dan decides moving forward with the lawsuit against the drug companies, with help from charming and hilarious guest star Jane Lynch. But the decision already begins to have consequences when past tensions between Becky and Dan rear their ugly head.

Meanwhile, Darlene meets another charming guest star – Sara Gilbert’s real-life pal Seth Green – at the Lobo while drowning her sorrows about Ben. These two have great chemistry, and we’re worried. Ben, stop treating Hardware Magazine like your own personal Megalopolis and go home and see your wife once in a while!!

Also, Jackie is still gunning (ha) for a position on the Lanford PD, and Neville is back – incredibly wise, quite buff, and working at the zoo. Mark, on the other hand, is the opposite: foolish, willowy, and performing illegal hacking services. He’s a brat and we’re damn sick of it! Where is all of this going? We’ll have to wait and see.

Stay tuned for this plus digressions on Ransom Canyon, the late-80s Justine Bateman film Satisfaction, Thora Birch, Chi-Chi’s and more. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts!

S7 E4: Second Chances & Backward Glances

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We’re back for one more round! Join us as we discuss The Conners’ final season. Our discussion of episode 1, “It’s Gonna Be a Great Day,” is tinged with wistful sadness as we contemplate the end of our favorite family’s story. First of all, we’re hit with a gut punch of grief as the episode dares to invoke then name “Roseanne.” Jackie has gotten the idea that the family should bring a lawsuit against the drug company responsible for her death and, in typical Jackie fashion, she goes from zero to sixty, bullying Dan into joining a fight that is certain to open old wounds. In addition to considering lawsuits, Jackie has apparently been listening to 714 Delaware St in her downtime, as she contemplating a return to the Lanford Police Force! Age and physical requirements be damned — can she actually do it? Laurie Metcalf’s daughter, portraying a dismissive young policewoman, surely doesn’t think so. We think it might be better to open the Jackie Harris Detective Agency, our brilliant idea for a spinoff that ABC should really consider.

In other unfortunate news, Ben has shaved his beard, and he’s going whole hog on Hardware Magazine, throwing caution to the wind and inspiring predictable plot lines about couples not getting enough time together. And Becky and Tyler are more in love than ever, which is causing problems for her master’s thesis.

Give us a listen for all this plus tangential discussions on Beyond the Gates, Elizabeth Taylor,After Midnight, Jason Ritter vs. Josh Ritter, “Power-down TV,” and how we maybe want to see Arnie come back. Just for a scene. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts!

S7 E3: Roseanne, I’m a Cop.

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Roseanne, I’m a cop: the famous words uttered by Jackie Harris in the original series of Roseanne, eventually becoming I was a cop but no less bursting with pride. As The Conners draws to a close and our time with the inimitable Jackie Harris dwindles down, we decided to take a look at what Jackie continues to remember as one of the high points of her life: her brief stint as an officer on the Lanford police force, a time when she wore a blue uniform and spent her days “printing perps” and “frisking biscuits.” We look back at four episodes of classic Roseanne: season two’s “Little Sister, “Lobocop” and “All of Me,” and season 3’s “Goodbye, Mr. Right,” exploring why this career was so meaningful to Jackie and how it impacted her relationship with the aforementioned “Mr. Right,” aka the sometimes-likable-sometimes-terrible Gary. Through these episodes, we also learn a lot about Jackie’s approach to relationships, and the regular disrespect—played for laughs—she endures from other characters. While an injury in the line of duty prompted Jackie to impulsively quit the police force, leading to her stint as a trucker and finally as proprietor of the Lanford Lunch Box, we wonder what might have been for our Woman in Blue.

Join us for this plus a discussion of what Jackie’s apartment decor reveals about her personality, vampire stuff, the newest Lindsay Lohan Netflix movie, Hot Frosty, Man on the Inside, and more. Listen and subscribe on Apple podcasts!

S7 E2: SAD Man on Campus

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In our latest, we discuss The Conners episodes “Flying, Applying and Rassling Gators,” and “Less Money, More Problems,” wrapping up season 6! The main focus of these episodes is Mark, who is in “SAD” sack mode, unhappy with his lot in life and his less-than-prestigious education at Steven Douglas University (otherwise known as SAD U). Never mind that Mark strived and sort-of-cheated and contrabassoon-played his way into this little institution that could, or that Darlene has debased herself as a lunchwoman so he can afford it — we are told it is Beneath him and, thanks to Becky’s meddling, he falls into a University of Chicago-fueled funk that leads to some very questionable decisions. We love Mark and don’t doubt he has earned his reputation as the genius golden child, but we wonder: is he really suffering at SAD U, or is the University of Chicago just blinding him with its ritzy top-tier-ness? Should he rethink his chosen major of “AI”? Is ALL the money Ben JUST received from the hardware store fire indeed already gone, sunk into a hardware trade magazine in the year 2024? And finally, will The Conners end with Mark going to prison?

Meanwhile, Harris and Becky decide to move out, which puts Darlene into a brief tailspin — but we’re excited for Harris — a Conner child getting her own place is cause for celebration! Even though Darlene, forever neglecting her sharp and savvy eldest child, fails to appreciate it. And in cuddly news, Becky is getting majorly serious with Tyler, who Katherine calls “a cardigan sweater with a pulse.”

Join us for this discussion plus more on spooky-season favorites Out There: Crimes of the Paranormal and Unsolved Mysteries (again), Hulu’s Social Studies, and why high-top tables are truly the worst. Listen and Subscribe on Apple Podcasts!

S7 E1: Magazine Dreams & Internal Flames

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We’re back for our (final??) season! After a summer hiatus, we’re finishing up season 6 of The Conners ahead of the show’s final season. (We’ll also have some classic Roseanne analysis in store this season, so please join us!) In this installment, we discuss The Conners season 6 episodes “Campaign U-Turn and a Hard Write” and “Fire and Vice.” First up, we have some shenanigans surrounding Louise’s school board campaign and Jackie’s general mania, and Ben’s jealousy toward Dan, who has an unexpected writing gig for “Hardware Magazine.” We discuss Ben’s complicated emotions toward Dan: namely, he tries to compete with him while also kind of worshipping him? In the next episode, Hardware Magazine (a name we think COULD allow a shift to adult subject matter, if the publisher were so inclined) strikes again as Ben’s substantial insurance windfall from the hardware store fire leads him to one obvious conclusion: he will buy Hardware Magazine! But… hold on, wait… couldn’t they pay off their bills and like, get jobs they actually want? Is the insurance money earmarked for hardware purposes? We’re told this is Ben’s “dream,” but like Darlene, we’re skeptical about its viability. Lastly, on a more serious note, we turn to an emotional plot line about Becky, whose new internship at a rehab clinic is seriously endangering her mental health and her recovery. It’s a relief when, just like in classic Roseanne days, Jackie steps in with a shoulder to cry on and words of support.

Join us for this plus tangents on Evil, Olympic surfing, the new Beavis and Butthead, Meryl Streep and Martin Short, Ancient Aliens and more. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts!

S6 E7: All the Meals and All the Feels

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In our latest, we start to wrap up season 6 of The Conners, discussing the episodes “Toilet Hacks and the Management Track” and “Manifesting, Marriage Testing, and Cheeseballs.” We have a lot of opinions and feelings about these lively episodes, with questions such as: Why is Darlene staging a decidedly unrealistic takeover of the college cafeteria, and then dumping all the work on poor Harris? (And isn’t it some kind of violation to haul a batch of off-site burgers into the caf?) Why does Dan decide to make extra money through the highly specific scheme of toilet-seat-screwing-on classes? Why are Ben and Darlene always manufacturing drama in their clearly close and loving relationship? (And what are Jay R. Ferguson’s hair secrets?) Oh yeah… and why, exactly, is Louise running for school board? (We still don’t get it.)

We pay special attention to the plot about Harris, who is diagnosed with ADHD and is struggling to manage the onslaught of work that her (thoughtless?) mother has piled upon her. As usual, we love to get riled up about our most vexing Conner, Darlene!

In addition, we discuss the news that season 7 will be The Conners‘ last (tears!), the bummer that is Under the Bridge, Katherine’s soon-to-be-hit song “Lady Cop,” The Most Dangerous Animal of All and the David Fincher film Zodiac (a masterpiece!), To Catch a Thief, and more. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts!

S6 E6: The Mark Healy Show

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In our latest, we get reflective thanks to The Conners season 6 episode “Smash and Grab and Happy Death Day,” which touches on the death of Mark Healy, husband to Becky, brother to David, and regular on the original series of Roseanne. The episode reveals Becky’s still-raw grief over losing her husband in a motorcycle accident years earlier, though we find it odd that she tells Beverly Rose he was her “special friend” rather than just level with the kid – you were married, and he was the love of your life, Becky! The frustrating shallowness of this episode’s discussion of Mark’s place in Becky’s life prompted us to go back in time to consider who Mark Healy (played by the late Glenn Quinn) really was. We’ve discussed his and Becky’s relationship and their elopement, but we’ve never really paused to study the man himself. Through a review of original series episodes “Her Boyfriend’s Back” (season 3), “Secrets” (season 4), “Busted,” (season 6), and “Becky Howser, M.D.” (season 8), we learn that Mark was—despite the bad-boy, dim-bulb personas he occasionally inhabited—an earnest, hardworking and sincere person dedicated to building a life with Becky, of whom he thought the world.

Join us for this discussion plus riffs on singing competition shows, Under the Bridge, car wash jigsaw puzzles (??), chatting with strangers, Children of the Corn, and Baby Reindeer. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts!

S6 E5: Mysteries of Crystal, Cringe, and Pineapple Upside-Down Cake

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In our latest, we discuss The Conners, “When Sisters Collide and the Return of the Grifter” and “Hanging in Dorms with Boys and the Secret Life of Men,” the first of which most notably features the triumphant-yet-brief return of our beloved Crystal (Natalie West), friend of Roseanne and Jackie and second wife of Dan’s father, Ed. Crystal appears amid another dispute between Dan and Neville over money, through which they eventually bond over daddy issues. We are interested in Crystal’s negative characterization of her relationship with Ed, and curious about her potentially distant relationship with Jackie. More Crystal, please! We also revisit a common Conners thread: tension between Darlene and Becky, as a fight over who’s smarter leads Darlene down a cringeworthy path to Mark’s favorite college-kid trivia night. Darlene, why are you SO embarrassing?

In the latter episode, the ever-charming Sean Astin returns as Becky’s beau Tyler – and things are getting serious! Darlene wants Ben to make more guy friends, and he and Tyler form an awkward acquaintance-ship that involves hiding out at Neville’s veterinary hospital, petting and singing to sick animals. Also, Harris is hanging around Mark’s dorm room too much and even though the boys love her, it’s WEIRD. Is Harris destined to become as embarrassing as Darlene? Say it ain’t so!

Tune in for discussion of all this as well as Maura’s strange tale of a ghostly pineapple upside-down cake, Katherine’s experience with puppy yoga, Girls 5Eva, Carol and the End of the World, The Summer I Turned Pretty, male strip clubs and what makes for good trivia. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts!

S6 E4: 1 Tearful Adieu and 3 Terrible Ideas

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In our latest, we discuss two somewhat strange Conners episodes, “Moms and Rats” and “Shrinks Don’t Talk and Kids Don’t Sing.” In “Moms and Rats,” we deal with the fallout from Jackie’s dumbass credit card fraud scheme (terrible idea #1). And in light of her tearful trainside goodbye with Bev, we wonder if in fact we are saying goodbye to our favorite nonagenarian for good – say it ain’t so! In the latter episode, Mark is bummed about being a lonely college commuter, but Darlene’s response, and the show’s tenuous-at-best grasp of how college works, are truly vexing. Are there solutions that could have been tried BEFORE Darlene decided to get Mark a job as a student custodian (terrible idea #2), complete with blue jumpsuit? Yes, many. The bottom line is, Darlene is cramping Mark’s growth and independence. Will the show reckon with this, or will she continue ruining Mark’s life unabated? Meanwhile, Louise is teaching music at Beverly Rose’s school and becomes embroiled in a culture war, which leads to Becky cosplaying Say Anything with a cube-shaped boombox, and Louise deciding to run for school board (terrible idea #3). Well Conners, at least you’re not boring!

In addition to mulling these new developments, we revel in the episodes’ offbeat humor, consider Becky’s potentially Old America-inspired taste in decor, and follow digressions on Maura’s suspended Facebook profile, Rosemary’s Baby, the Pittsburgh “butthole window,” Costco, and Mrs. Claus’s hairstyle. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts!

S6 E2: The Case of the Disappearing Baby

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We’re back, listeners – for real this time! Ahead of next month’s premiere of season 6 of The Conners, we’re looking at two episodes from Roseanne‘s later seasons that focus on a plot point that’s been bugging us throughout the run of this podcast: Jackie and Fred’s child, Andy. The Conners has wiped Andy from existence for reasons unknown, but a look at season 7 episode “Nine Is Enough” and season 8 episode “Let Them Eat Junk” demonstrates Jackie’s once all-consuming, unhinged and obsessive love for her now-disappeared baby. In “Nine Is Enough,” a hilarious episode that revolves around the Conners’ overcrowded house (and Dan shaving his armpits and being weird about it), Jackie’s overprotective, controlling attitude surrounding the baby has put a wall between her and Fred that never really seems to come down. In “Let Them Eat Junk,” this same parenting approach causes problems between Jackie and Roseanne, who violates Jackie’s “no junk food” rule, resulting in some soul-searching for Roseanne regarding her relationship to food, as passed down by Bev. We discuss how high-strung Jackie is in these two episodes, and how much more in line this late-Roseanne characterization is with the way she is depicted on The Conners, albeit without the presence of Andy. We also have some fun with Bev and a lively discussion of the differences between Sarah Chalke-Becky and Lecy-Becky.

Join us for all this plus digressions on Willem Dafoe (his charm and small stature). Beef, The Bear, our hatred for Incubus, May December, Loudermilk, the terrifying 1845 children’s book Struwwelpeter, Frog and Toad, and Cher’s Christmas song. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts!